Monday, October 18, 2010


When I got to the hospital they had a sitter with dad. But I don't think it really mattered. He seemed out of it. He was talking about things I didn't understand. I am praying that this is coming from the Haldon they have him on. I am going to try to get the doctor to change it to something else. How can I best decide on what to do for dad if he is out of it all the time?

I am talking about my my "well meaning" relatives that don't live around here, the ones that live close by don't keep in touch. I just need to get this off my chest:
I know people mean well when they say this is something everyone goes through and they get through it. Ok, I know I am not the first person to look after a sick parent. HOWEVER what most people don't understand is I am going through this TOTALLY ALONE. I don't have a brother that is helping me -- in fact I haven't heard from him in months -- I don't have a husband/boyfriend, or even an child to go through this with me. I go to the hospital alone, talk to the doctors alone, try to make life altering decisions for dad alone. I leave the hospital, go to dad''s house to take care of his cats and to pay his bills, alone, and worse still I come home to my house alone. It's just me and the cats.

Yes I know you can't do any more than pray and I understand that. But please understand every thing I am having to do/take care of/whatever when it comes to dad I am doing alone.


  1. I will be praying for you and the decisions you will be making. Being alone with all this is not an easy thing for you at all. Try to carefully check out all possibilities as far as what is involved with the care of your Dad. It's good you are questioning medications. Don't be afraid to ask questions, it's the only way to know what is best for your dad.

  2. I think I really do understand. I went thru many similar things with my mom, then years later my dad. I am sending you my best possible thoughts...and I am aware that isn't quite enough, but....~Mary

  3. Uhm, I took care of people two different times in my life, while alone, so I do understand. It's HARD. Right now I am helping my Dad, but fortunately this time I do have John to help me when John's well. My Dad is 82 and will be 83 soon. Very similar situation as yours. My Mom is alive but she was very sheltered all her life so stays in the background... Anyway, if I may make one suggestion, perhaps you could go to a caregiver's group. There you will learn some things. One thing is to put your foot down, and to take a couple hours a week out for yourself, whether he wants you to or not. LET him sult, and learn how to let it not effect you! Go to the caregiver's group once a week, and go to church, or one outing a week also! Let him get mad. Also learn about and find the resources that are in your area. they may be county resources you qualify for, or state or federal. or you may have to pay out of pocket, or maybe his insurance will pay. however it works, there should be SOME WAY you should be able to get some RESPITE care for him, so that someone can come in once or 2 x a week, so that you can go out. if his insurance doesn't pay for it, than the county should -- they almost always help those who are low income. that has been my experience in the states where me and my relatives have lived. if you can't find the resources call your local office of aging and ask what services are available for your dad. as a matter of fact, the hospital in which your father has been hospitalized should have given you a "social worker" or someone similar, and they should have told you all the services in your area, or you should have at least been able to ask them Qs. All the questions you wanted and needed to ask them. Go back to the hospital and ask them for what you need. is it easy? heck no! do it anyway! and yes, keep praying to the Lord, He is the One who will sustain you during this time. is it easy, honey? no. just don't give up, and try not to get too depressed if you can, bc it won't do you or him, esp you any good. :( and we don't want that. so keep your chin up, and do the best thing for yourself, at all times, and take one LITTLE thing at a time, take one little task at a time, concentrate on that ONE little task at a time. that is the advice another caregiver gave me! i hope you don't think i am being mean, LOL, bc i am not saying i feel sorry for you. yes, it is dern hard, and i DO feel very bad for you, but on the other hand, i am just wanting to encourage you instead. be hopeful, be blessed, be as peaceful as you can, baby girl. take one day at a time, love your dad, love yourself. cry if you must. cry for yourself, cry for your dad, cry that you'll be alone, just be okay in the end, be at peace in the end, do not mourn as those who have no hope... i love you, krissy. Hang in there and email me if you'd like to.

  4. Just to let you know I've been thinking of you since I read this and I hope you are coping as best as possible.

  5. Kathy,
    It is very easy for those not involved in someone's care 24/7 to comment and say they'd do it better. They wouldn't. You'll be doing a sterling job, however hard it is.