Sunday, April 1, 2012

I'm alive. So much heart ache though

As you know my dad passed away in June -- 3 days after my birthday -- and I had the fun of cleaning out his house, putting it for sale, and finally selling it.

The day after Christmas one of dad's good friends, and a good friend of the family, passed away.  I miss Tom. Knew him for years.

On March 22nd my Aunt Betty passed away.  Aunt Betty was one of my dad's older sisters.  I loved her so very very much.  After my mom died she was like a 2nd mom.  I would have never gotten through dad being sick or his passing without her.  After daddy died she called me every night to see how I was doing and to wish me a good night.  Well every night until she got really sick right around Christmas.

Losing Aunt Betty so close to losing daddy has been really painful.  I couldn't get myself to go to a funeral.  In fact I missed Tom's funeral, the funeral of a cousin (I barely knew her but still), I am not ready for funerals yet.

My brother still isn't speaking to me.  But it doesn't hurt near as bad as it did at first.

A cute little cat showed up hungry in my yard back in January.  She is short haired, black with a little white on her chest.  I named her Friday and she now lives indoors with me and the other cats.

I have got to figure out how to get a life.  I have no friends, the person I could turn to passed away, I need to get out of the house but I don't know where to go or what to do.  I have to watch spending money.  I do go to Wednesday morning Bible study but it isn't enough.

I get so lonely.  I never knew just how painful being lonely could be.  It really hurts your heart.  It is just as painful, if not more so, as depression.  Add the two together and I am a basket case more often than not.



  1. I wish you could volunteer someplace. That would help get you out and meeting other people. They always say that helping others also helps yourself.

  2. Volunteering some where could be a great place to start. Depression is a very loney, hurtful world and the more alone you keep yourself, the worse it gets.

  3. I'm so sorry for all the loss you've been through the past few months. I think volunteering would be a good idea too. It's good to get out and do something for someone else.