Wednesday, September 15, 2010

So tired.....

Please don't misunderstand what I am about to say. I love my dad. I am thrilled to be able to take care of him.

But I am tired. I am so tired. I would give my right arm to have a day to just stay home, in bed. Dad just doesn't understand when I say I'm tired. He thinks I just need more sleep. It's not that. It is a mental/physical/soul kind of tired.

If I had a real brother (yes I do have a real one, but he is just not going to do anything for dad or me. haven't heard from him in awhile. he and his wife are basically homeless and last I heard living with his oldest daughter and her husband) who would come stay with dad to give me a break it would be so great. Wishful thinking.....

I have so much that needs to be done at my house, cleaning, laundry, cats to the vets, and baths. Oh to have the time to take even a shower!

I don't get much done around Dad's house because he constantly wants me to do this/that, take him somewhere. And naturally he wants what he wants when he wants it or he will sulk and act like a little 2 year old.

Dad has 1 more speech therapy session, and he does great for the therapist. He can speak so you can understand him but does he? I have to keep after him to raise his voice and speak slowly. He won't do it around me unless I keep asking him to repeat himself and then he gets mad at me for telling him that he KNOWS how to speak so I can understand him so please do it. The therapist asked him why he won't speak up. Then she said maybe you just don't want to be heard and he stood there and agreed with that. I wanted to strangle him! As much as I try to do for him the least he can do is speak so I can understand him.

Thanks for the ear/shoulder guys. I miss you all. I miss people. Dad is the only person in my life. I can't get to church or anything. Every time I try -- and I tell him what I want to do and he agrees I need to have some time to myself -- he will do something or want something so I can't do it.

Life is grand. Can't wait to see what happens next.



  1. It is not an easy job being a caregiver. Thankfully when my Mom and Dad were ill I did have 2 sisters to share the load with. Even with them though, I was tired out too. Try to remember this won't last forever. Hang in there!

  2. Caregiving can drain you in more ways than one. You have to be able to say "enough" and get rest or you won't be able to help anybody. Take care.

  3. Oh Russ I wish I could say "enough" but there is no one else so I can't do that. I will keep going. It will be ok, somehow and someway.